Friend or Foe???

When I get a hug from mother,
It’s the envy of my brother.

And yet when the boy next door
Picks up a fight with me,
I can always be sure
Of brother’s support, you see.

Is it then not an irony that
My neighbour and I,
Are on the same side of the net
In the inter-school tennis tie???

(The earlier day the fight we had;
We both have forgotten – I’m glad)

Who is a friend, who is the foe…
I don’t know, I don’t know.

Region and religion, they can divide or unite.
Mix and match them, you get a cultural delight.

The Punjabi just can’t stand the Madrasi,
He’d prefer to drown him in a tub of lassi
“Bengali!!!” remarks the Gujju, making a face,
“Such people don’t suit my taste.”

But when an Indian meets another on a faraway land,
It definitely calls for a celebration, grand.

Who hails from which state,
Neither they care, nor does it matter,
Watching India play cricket,
Sharing pakodas on a platter.

Who is a friend? Who is the foe?
I don’t know, I don’t know . . .

When the neighbouring country suffers,
Anyone hardly bothers.
But for emigrants to the west,
Fellow subcontinentals are like brothers.

Who is a friend? Who is the foe?
After so many years, I still don’t know.

Some are staunch patriots,
Some are dirty racists,
Some support communal harmony,
Some are plain fascists.

But wherever, whenever, for whatever we stand,
We always desert someone to shake a new hand.

Be it the world war,
Or just a game of ball,
You have to take one side,
You can’t be friends with all.

Why does a new friendship
Come at the cost of another???
Why can’t all of us
Be friends with each other???

Who is the friend and who is the foe?
The answer I bet no one will ever know!!!

Aberrations in Abbreviations

Just the other day we were being taught about ‘note-making’ at school. And we were instructed by  our teacher to use “at least four to five abbreviations” in our notes. It so turned out that when I finished making my notes, I realised that they did not contain a single abbreviation in them (and that is because I do not have a penchant of shortening words when I’m doing any school related work). Since it occurred to me just before submitting the copy, I found myself hurriedly scratching off words like programme, experience and positive and replacing them with prog., exp., and +ve. Then of course I had to make that little box in the footnote area listing all the abbreviations used and their full forms. Whoa!!! So much more work just for the sake of dropping 4-5 letters from a few words!!!

Technically speaking, there actually happens to be four ways in which words can be shortened; abbreviations – in which the last part of the word is dropped off, contraction – where the middle part is dropped off, initialisation – which the name itself suggests what it is, and acronyms – which is like initialisation only but the shortened word itself is pronounced like a new word.

Some examples would make it clear : -

Saint ==> St. (contraction)

Phone number ==> Ph. No. (abbreviation)

Do it yourself ==> DIY (initialisation)

As soon as possible ==> asap (acronym)  {asap is pronounced as a single word}

More recently with the advent of sms-lingo (or chat-lingo or twitter-lingo), a new type of word shortening, popularly known as de-voweling, has evolved, in which words like properly and contact are written as prprly and cntct respectively.

But all said and done, the most popular form of word shortening these days is “phonetic shortening” where the word is shortened in such a way that the pronunciation remains similar to the original word. Like, awesome becomes ‘osum’ and right happens to be ‘ryt’.

Moving away from the technical aspects, I often wonder (especially when I receive dramatically shortened SMS and emails), what good does it serve? Does it really reduce time and effort and enhance simplicity, as the advocators argue? Or does it, at the detractors put it, simply reduces the writer’s efforts at cost of doubling the readers’ troubles?

Though I rarely stick my neck out and take sides in such debates (since I myself use shortened words very generously in my mails and text messages), I must say I often find myself agreeing more with the detractors than the advocators.

Like just last Sunday, my cousin happened to go to ‘CCD’. I had to ask to expand it as I could not think of any place called CCD. Being the techno-geek that I am, the only way I could expand CCD was – Charged Coupled Device (digital camera stuff). I had no idea that he meant to say Café Coffee Day instead. Similarly if you live in Delhi you’ll know that CP is Connaught Place and DC is District Centre, initials which more commonly refer to other general things like DC = Direct Current. And did you know that students studying in St. Marks School and Mother Mary School have a craze of sending too many SMS and MMS. (pun intended).

By the way have you come across the term ‘pj’? The fact that it stands for poor joke (or pakau joke as some say it) came to my knowledge only a couple of months back. I’ve seen this term here and there many times but it never occurred to me to check out its full form. I always somehow linked ‘pj’ to pyjamas (maybe because you wear sleepover parties are called pj-parties). But when that day my friend requested me to send some teacher-student pj’s over SMS, I was compelled to search on Google what pj actually means. And lo and behold – Wikipedia said that pj might actually refer to pyjama!!!! But that was not what I was looking for. Next I came across petajoule and picojoule. But neither pyjamas nor joules can be sent over sms, so I went on sifting through some more results when I finally got it ------> pj=poor joke. {WHAM!!!} it was like Tendulkar swinging his bat right on my face. Poor joke????!!!! In the name of god, people need to initialise such words too????

[psst.... all the while I was doing this research on pj over Google I was also wondering about the other  “_J” terms, i.e. VJ=video jockey, DJ=disc jockey, RJ=radio jockey etc etc.... And I was trying to figure out if PJ might have a similar expansion. And I was also wondering why nobody mentions HJ=horse jockey]

There are many people out there (especially English teachers who check exam copies) whose worlds have been turned topsy-turvy by the sudden influx of abbreviations; a word that itself is abbreviated to abv., abrv., abrrev., or abrvⁿ. And if you by chance write the ‘v’ as an ‘r’ then it becomes abbrⁿ. Which I guess stands for aberration (something that happens when people shorten words too much)

Anyways I need to apologise to my readers for  being a thoroughbred hypocrite though, because even while I was busy ‘lampooning and slamming the practice of word shortening’ (read – ‘writing this article’), I received a text message “hey buddy! Hw r u?” And quite shamelessly I replied “gr8 here!! U say. Wassup? Ne plans of goin to DC 2day?”

So with all that we are again back to square one, that is to the question – whether aberration, oops sorry, abbreviation, should be used everywhere. Imo (in my opinion), it strictly depends on the context. I hardly ever write text messages without various shortened words, and I don’t expect anyone to spell out all the words properly when sending me messages, but of course while writing an examination or a blog entry, such irresponsible snipping and cutting of words is strictly prohibited.

Btw (by the way) you use abbreviations or not is solely up to you, but do take care that you do not increase hassles for the person for whom it is intended. (Now for example you tell me a joke and I reply hax3, you would remain confused until I explain that hax3 is “ha ha ha”) It’s nothing unnatural to for people to try to reduce their effort of writing a piece, but while doing that often the reader suffers, which is very unfortunate.

hav a nyc day,

c u soon...

The magician of Malgudi talks again

The man, although not anymore among us, continues to enthral and moreover entertain the people of India as well as abroad alike. R K Narayan is someone who loves playing with his characters, and so he does once again with Talkative Man. The moment you delve into this book, and if you have read any of Narayan’s novels before, you’ll feel you are once again in familiar territory. The same Malgudi, the most famous fictional city of India. Although the characters are new, you somehow know them, relate to them, and feel more close to them than your next door neighbour. That is the charm of the magician of Malgudi.

There are novels, there are novellas, and there are short stories. But this one comes somewhere in between. R K Narayan himself reveals the secret of 116 pages in his postscript - He had started of very enthusiastically on his project called “Novel no. 14” but it unfortunately came to an end at the 116^th page only. Still in such a short space only he gives much more substance than most authors do in a full sized novel. He himself confesses that he does not like rambling on and on and instead keeps on trimming his draft every time he goes through it. And finally what he does bring out to us is pure feast for mind.

“The call me Talkative Man” – the abrupt introduction characteristic to Narayan is there. (Not only Narayan but most English authors from south-India have this habit. You often read the whole story without coming to know the name of the narrator. It is mentioned only once in this book and a careless reader may even miss it). The Talkative Man in this book, financial expert Margayya of The Financial Expert, the Tiger in Tiger for Malgudi or the sign painter Raman, they are one and the same – each time coming up with a different name and a different story. (Sometimes we are left wondering whether it’s Narayan himself).

The storyline is not one from which you can expect multiple climaxes, twists and turns, or supreme thrill. It will not take you for a roller coaster ride, but very steadily takes us through an interesting story. The book has it’s own pace, with each and every sentence bringing something new to the narrative. Ofcourse, at times the unexpected happens, but in general it is a very very believable story. (That is what Narayan is known for)

Once again, Narayan is faithful to Malgudi and stays right as the heart of the town on Kabir Street – where TM lives. TM (short for Talkative Man), is not too talkative, but is a charming narrator. The story he narrates is about “Dr Rann of the double N” in his words. Rann, whom you may want to call the antagonist, is an interesting creation by Narayan, coming from Timbuctoo – another fictional town. Although, he says he’s on a UN Project on “futurology”, he’s more interested in seducing the librarians granddaughter. That’s when out of the blue lands an imposing woman, in khaki shirt and jeans, at the Malgudi railway station and claims herself to be the wife of Rann. She also accuses Rann of being a philandering lady killer…..

So is Dr. Rann really from Timbuctoo? Is the woman saying the truth? What does TM discover about Rann?? Go grab a copy of TALKATIVE MAN to find out. Although don’t expect too much substance and excitement form a book primarily meant for lighter reading. Just let go of yourself and get immersed into Narayan’s ever evolving town –Malgudi.

Be the Change you want to See

 Be the Change you want to see

(1)

This is India, Oh my friend,

And corruption is the current trend,

If you think the system can work,

Then I think you are a dork.

From lazy babu to lousy neta,

And the arrogant mantri ka beta,

Always on the lookout you see…

To cheat people like you and me

Some say the pen is stronger…

Nah! I don’t think any longer.

‘Tis said actions speak loudly,

But now money speaks more proudly!!!

Once Gandhi spoke in flesh & blood,

And to listen people came in a flood.

These days his face on currency notes,

Can buy you things like even votes.

Once that man called Gandhi,

Had walked miles up to Dandi,

But it’s neither Gandhi nor Dandi…

Kids now prefer to read Suppandi.

Times have changed, so has values

(I’m not talking about price of ‘aloos’)

It’s moral values I’m talking about,

Which people these days openly flout!

They call it as the land of wonders,

And about it sometimes myself ponders

How the country’s still running

Despite these people – cruel and cunning.

And the biggest wonder of them all,

Is coexistence of big and small.

Famished children around food stalls,

Homeless people near shopping malls.

Hunger as well as obesity,

Villages around a megacity.

Drought along with hydroelectricity…

Wow!! That’s unity in diversity!!!!

(2)

We Indians always in demand,

In far away and foreign land,

Take any chance that we get,

To leave this land and forget.

Then a few decades later,

Growing a few inches fatter,

We criticize our homeland

In a language that’s so bland.

But have you bloody NRIs

While eating your Kentucky Fries,

Ever thought of lending a helping hand

To your bleeding homeland???

The world has been conquered by you,

And about it you cry and hue

But do you think that it will matter

To the homeless boy with an empty platter?

So leave that stupid chicken fry

And come back home you NRI…

It’s time you pay back to the country

That has helped you always selflessly.

If you really want to make a change,

Over a really broad range,

Stop speaking or writing about it

And start doing something you nitwit.

Nothing is changing, nothing will…

Netas will promise but never fulfill.

You vote one out, another will come…

Marks my words, he’ll be more dumb.

The country’s not sixty-something

And the ruler’s seventy-something.

And I think you are the biggest fool

If you expect changes during their rule!!!

(3)

‘Twas Wisely said by Mr. Gandhi,

“Be the change you want to see”

Enough with these corrupt old MPs

Who’ve made taxpayers’ pockets empty

And these murderers and conspirators,

Who’ve managed to become our legislators.

We’ve tolerated them enough…

All they do is always bluff.

Few terrorists came here by boat,

But hundreds of them come by vote.

It’s time we voted someone better

A man of his word and letter.

And if you don’t get such a man…

Who stops you from becoming that man???

And if you become the man we need,

Be sure, we’ll vote you indeed.

Corrupt MPs are not willingly voted,

Nor is that their votes bloated.

But when we go out to vote,

And the ball is then in out court.

But, you see, the names on the EVM,

Are all of no good… Such a shame.

Not that the public likes them much,

But there’s no choice…. The problem’s such.

There are social workers out there.

Even NGOs do their fair share.

But the country’s not run by them,

And we need better men for the same.

(4)

Thus it was not said worthlessly

“Be the change you want to see”

To be able to change the system,

You have to be part of the same.

Nothing will change overnight…

For that we’ve to struggle and fight.

It’ll need a lot of patience,

Combined with some confidence.

Brothers and Sisters, the future’s at stake,

We have to act for our own sake

And if right now we don’t act fast

Who knows how long India will last???

Hold my hand, the time has come,

‘Tis been long time we’ve stayed mum.

Down with hatred and corruption…

Prejudices and presumption.

Let’s establish Utopia

Right here in India.

The Kingdom described in ancient shlokas

And dreamt of by the Rams and Ashokas

A dream for which many great men…

Laid down their lives and suffered pain.

For it we don’t need ancient sages

Nor saviors from distant ages.

We have to be our own Messiahs…

IT’S TIME FOR ANOTHER RENAISSANCE.

Through Thick and Thin

: Obesity, slimming-programs and other totally unrelated issues....

Obesity is the topic of hot discussion these days and thus no wonder the trend in fashion is ‘slimming-programs’- whether it be bollywood actresses taking to size zero figures or slimming down of the paychecks of the BPO sector. And yet in some places obesity seems to have got such an upperhand that slimming-programs do not seem to be working, like the very very obese price-tags of almost everything, from vegetables to automobile fuel. Every other day a not-at-all-obese man (read Manmohan Singh) promises us that steps are being taken to remedy this problem. But the very next day a very noisy group of immature people (read opposition MPs) accuse Mr. Sharad Pawar ,who happens to be quite obese both physically as well as financially, of not doing anything to reduce the prices of onions (Don't start wondering how the International Cricket Council President can reduce onion prices - he actually happenes to be our agricultural minister too). I must mention, by the way, that our country is unique where elections are often lost and won on the basis of price of onions. But there is a little piece of the jigsaw puzzle that does not fit into the picture. Mr Laloo Yadav and Mr Mulayam Singh (who is not really as gentle a man as his name suggests) are constantly complaining that they are unable to properly fill their stomachs due to high food prices, and yet I you can see they are just as obese as they were two years back, possibly even more. Then Mr Shashi Tahroor, a person who few years back had almost become the UN Secretary General , was found to have a ‘fat’ share in an IPL team and so was cut down to size (as a result of which he has a ‘slim’ chance getting back to top level politics).

Politics aside, there are many other areas where slimming-programs are being applied unnecessarily as well. Suddenly out of the blue, someone (or something) is thought to be obese, and is ‘slimmed’ down, like Kareena Kapoor, who without any rhyme or reason, felt it necessary to shed 20 kgs (unfortunately, a visiting team of nutritionists from the UNO thought that ours is a country so affected by poverty that even celebrities are victims of hunger and malnutrition). Then of course, there is the Indian Gen-X (and Gen-Y and Gen-Z and various other ‘new’ generations) who are hell bent on ‘slimming down’ their waistlines, as well as other aspects of their life. Even the age old English vocabulary hasn’t been spared. Various English words, which they think are too obese for them to digest, have been slimmed down to unimaginable extents. The culprits of course are telecom operators, Twitter, Facebook etc. who think it to be a crime if someone writes something more that 160 characters long. So, as de say- u cant alwys expct us 2 rit all words prperly. D wrds in eng lang r 2 long, n it wont fit in2 sms neways. (If you have understood what was written, then you too can begin cutting excess fat out of your words from now on). Then again talking about this magazine itself, I had expected this to be quite a fat issue with lots and lots of contributions but unfortunately due to dearth of articles, the magazine got slimmed down. I hope we manage to come out with a bit more ‘obese’ issue next time.

Oh! I totally forgot to write about the causes of obesity, the way it can be tackled and the steps to be taken to get your body back to shape. But unfortunately, if I write any further, this article itself would become too obese and the chances of the readers going through the whole of it would be very slim. And being the editor, I’d not like that to happen. So stay in shape, and say NO to obesity, till we come out with the next ‘slim’ issue of our Class Magazine.